I Hate Loving Him
by YogixGareki Always
Summary: NaLu only more Lu than Na...I hope you caught on to that..and no it's not a joke. Moving on. Lucy is ironing out her mixed feelings that she has for Natsu. Disclaimer: Don't own Lucy or Natsu


I've kinda been itching to write this but I was a little hesitant about it for a few reasons. One of the main being whether the readers would understand where I am coming from in this story. But it's out and I hope you enjoy because I kinda poured a little bit of my** inner self** in this. just a **teensie bit**.

* * *

Lucy came to the conclusion that she might've fallen in love with Natsu.

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He was so friendly to her, so warm and inviting. Every time she looked at him she couldn't stop the ends of her lips from forming a smile no matter how much she tried; it was like his charm forced a smile from her.

He always feel like she mattered and he always listened to her even though he might've not cared about whatever she was talking about at the moment. On her bad days he always showed her the lighter side of the issue or made her forget about it completely. And although virtually anyone could do that, his way was...unique and special.

She loved how easily he could make her laugh, his humor was one of her favorite things about him. He constantly thought up jokes on the spot which easily became one of the highlights of her day. Most of his jokes were things that she didn't think she'd ever forget.

(After observing those things about him, she realized that he fitted her type of guy- the laidback sweet and funny guy.)

Her other two favorite things about him is his eyes and smile. His eyelashes framed his eyes perfectly, sometimes she had to catch herself when she stared at his eyes with admiration and awe. His smile is always dazzling white, sometimes she thinks that the teeth actually gleam. And although his hair wasn't her favorite feature on him, she liked how his playful pink locks reflected his own playful personality.

But although she loved these things about him...she hated them too. The problem was she didn't want to love those things about him. She didn't want to fall for his charm, didn't want to laugh at his jokes, or admire his looks, because she knew they would never be. The words: us or we would not be applied to the both of them as a pair, that's what broke her heart yet reminded her to be realistic.

All the things she admired and did with him were okay at first but now that she realized her feelings towards him, she had become paranoid. She severely feared that he would find out her feelings for him. She was terrified of rejection..always has been and probably always will be. But maybe he already knew her feelings for her but acted as if he never knew? You know turn a blind eye to her feelings in order not to her feelings. Or maybe she actually did put up a convincing act to make him think that she thought of him as nothing more than a friend. But she doubted it, in her opinion she's never been good with keeping her infatuations inconspicuous. That's another reason why she hates loving him..because she can't keep it a secret, as if she doesn't have feelings for him. She tries to reason that the butterflies she feels in her stomach when she sees him are nothing more than her excitement to see her beloved friend. Also lately whenever she's in a sour mood and talks to almost no one, he comes up to her and her attitude goes 360 degrees and she's sunny and laughy all over again. She really hates when that happens, because it becomes so obvious to the people around them that she has some kind of affection for him that is greater than the type she shows to other people.

And the thing she hates the most is the mixed feelings she has that comes along with liking him.

If anyone were to find out about her severe infatuation, she'd be utterly mortified. Although it's not as big as a issue as she's making out to be, she still knows how some girls treat you when they know you like someone. Those so called "girlfriends" drop hints to the guy more than DJ drops beats. But maybe she should confess and get it over with, but then that would result in a awkward friendship. And an awkward friendship would break her heart because no matter how much she liked him, she loved him like a brother more and valued their friendship. She was determined that some flimsy, temporary crush wouldn't severe that whether she would tell him or not she knew one thing.

* * *

_It's not meant to be..._

_or_

_..._

_..._

_Is it?_

* * *

_I hope you liked it because this was basically me a less than two months ago. I had very silly conflicted feelings about one of my best guy friends. But now that my crush has gone away. I can honestly say I love him lots, but as a brother. Yet I still catch myself admiring his eyes and smile._


End file.
